Behavior Is Communication (Even When It’s Hard to See It That Way)

It’s easy to label behavior.

Disruptive. Defiant. Attention-seeking.

Those words come quickly, especially in busy school settings where teachers are juggling a lot and need things to run smoothly. But the longer I do this work, the more I realize - behavior is almost always communication.

Especially in a PreK–5 building, where students are still learning how to identify and express what they’re feeling.

They don’t always have the words to say, “I’m overwhelmed,” or “I’m anxious,” or “I don’t feel safe right now.” So instead, it comes out in ways that are harder to understand - and sometimes harder to respond to.

It comes out as shutting down. Or yelling. Or refusing to work. Or constantly seeking attention.

And if we only respond to the behavior itself, we miss the need underneath it.

That’s something I’ve had to remind myself of often.

Because it’s easy - even as a counselor - to get caught up in what’s happening on the surface. But when we pause long enough to ask, “What is this student trying to tell me?” everything starts to shift.

We move from frustration to curiosity. From reaction to response. From control to connection.

That doesn’t mean we ignore expectations or boundaries. Students still need structure. But it does mean we approach those moments differently - with more understanding and less assumption.

And when students feel understood, they’re much more open to change.

A lot of what we’re seeing right now ties back to unmet needs. Emotional needs. Safety needs. Connection needs. And if we don’t address those, the behavior will keep showing up - just in different ways.

So instead of asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” I try to ask, “What does this student need right now?”

Because that’s where the real work begins.