Sitting in the Dirt: What Students Really Need From Us

There’s a phrase that has shaped the way I see school counseling: sitting in the dirt.

Not fixing. Not rushing. Not trying to clean things up too quickly. Just sitting in the messy, hard, sometimes really painful parts of a student’s life so they don’t have to be there alone.

Working in a PreK–5 building, I’ve learned quickly that kids carry more than we often realize. Big feelings. Big experiences. Situations they don’t fully understand and don’t always have the words to explain. And when they come into my office, they’re not looking for someone to solve everything - they’re looking for someone who will stay.

That’s the part I think we don’t always talk about enough.

It can be uncomfortable to sit in those moments. Everything in us wants to make it better, to offer advice, to fix the situation so the student feels okay again. But sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is resist that urge and simply be present.

To say, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out together.”

That’s what walking alongside students really looks like.

I’ve had moments where students don’t say much at all. They sit. They fidget. They cry. And in those moments, it can feel like you’re not “doing” enough. But over time, I’ve learned that presence is doing something. It’s building safety. It’s building trust. It’s showing students that they don’t have to go through hard things alone.

And that matters more than any quick solution.

Because when students feel safe, that’s when they start to open up. That’s when they begin to process. That’s when growth actually happens - not because we pushed them there, but because they felt supported enough to take a step.

Sitting in the dirt isn’t easy. It’s not neat or predictable. But it is one of the most important parts of this work.

And honestly, it’s the part that reminds me why I’m here.